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Re：Ross Hall / Lori Campbell : Articles regarding the McCann case
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I'm sorry Madeleine
8 May 2007
Sunday Mirror
Lori Campbell in Praia Da Luz
POLICE MOVE IN.. AS KATE TELLS OF PAIN
Every hour I ask myself 'Why did I think she was safe?' We have doubted what we did & I do feel regret we weren't there
Heartbroken mum Kate McCann quietly sobs as she speaks for the first time of her guilt about leaving little daughter Madeleine alone the night she was snatched. "I feel desperately sorry to her that we weren't there," she says.
"Every hour now, I still ask myself, 'Why did I think that was safe?' But it did feel safe and so right. I do feel regret. I've gone through all my life and said I never want to have any regrets, but you can't not regret something like that."
Speaking without her husband Gerry at her side for the first time, Kate, 38, reveals how she is haunted by the unbearable regret that she wasn't there to protect her daughter.
In an emotional interview, in which she repeatedly breaks down in tears, Kate says that if she could tell her four-year-old daughter anything now, it would be that she loves and misses her.
Clutching the pink Cuddle Cat toy which has been a constant source of comfort to her since it was left lying in Madeleine's bed the night she was taken, Kate says: "I want to tell her we love her very much. She knows we're looking for her, that we're doing absolutely everything and we'll never give up."
Kate reveals how their happy girl had told her she'd had the best day of her life before she fell asleep on the evening she disappeared.
Madeleine had spent the day at a kids' club near the family's holiday apartment in Praia da Luz in Portugal, swimming, face-painting and colouring-in with other children.
But Kate now plays over in her mind the heart-wrenching words which could tragically be the last Madeleine ever said to her.
She says: "As I put her to bed, she smiled at me and said, 'Mummy I've had the best day ever. I'm having lots and lots of fun'."
Kate reveals Madeleine had been practising a dance at the club which she was looking forward to showing her mum the following day - "but I never got to see it".
After putting Madeleine and two-year-old twins Sean and Amelie to bed, Kate and Gerry joined friends at a tapas restaurant 50 yards from their ground-floor villa.
They took turns to check on the children every half-hour. But when Kate returned at about 10pm, she discovered Madeleine was gone.
Recalling the moment she found her daughter's bed empty, Kate says: "There was 20 seconds of disbelief where I thought, 'That can't be right'. I was checking for her. Then there was panic and fear. That was the first thing that hit. I was screaming her name. I ran to the group. Everyone was the same. It was total fear.
"I never thought for one second that she'd walked out. I knew someone had been in the apartment because of the way it had been left.
"But I knew she wouldn't walk out anyway. There wasn't a shadow of a doubt in my mind she'd been taken."
Kate says she saw that Madeleine's toy Cuddle Cat had been left behind, but was careful not to touch it in case it held a clue to who took her.
She says: "I knew straight away a crime had been committed, we had no doubt about that. We were very conscious of not touching things."
Speaking with moving honesty, Kate reveals how she asks herself every day whether she and Gerry were wrong to leave their children alone.
She says they felt so safe at the "family-friendly" resort they didn't think twice about leaving Madeleine and the twins - and she reveals how they'd left them alone every evening as they ate dinner in the week until Madeleine was taken on a Thursday night.
But she admits it was a decision that torments her with every waking moment. "We've doubted what we did," Kate says. "It's hard to answer the question, 'Were we wrong to leave them?' If I'd had to think for one second, 'Should we have dinner and leave them?' I wouldn't have done it.
"It didn't happen like that. I didn't have to think for a second, that's how safe I felt. It's not like we went down town or anything. That night runs over and over in my mind and I'm sure people will learn from our mistake, if you want to call it that. I love her and I'm a totally responsible parent and that's the only thing that keeps me going."
Following from another date?
Her eyes falling to Cuddle Cat, which she has reluctantly washed after it became filthy from her carrying it around, Kate adds: "I feel desperately sorry to her that we weren't there."
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But Kate says she and Gerry have never blamed each other for that night. She says: "We have a strong relationship. We don't row. We talk a lot and that is vital at the moment."
Kate, a GP, can't imagine ever returning to the family's home in Rothley, Leics, without Madeleine as it holds too many memories of the bright and playful youngster.
She says: "I can't bear the thought of it. We had lived in that house for a year and it was a really happy home. When we left it the last time we were so excited. I can't think about going back without her."
Speaking at a charity headquarters in Lagos, a 10-minute drive from the apartment where Madeleine was kidnapped, Kate says she had asked Gerry, 39, not to join her. She wanted to express her feelings as a mother, and to say thank you to all the mums who have sent her letters of support. Kate says: "Sometimes I want to speak, but I just can't. It's not natural for me. Gerry's used to having to speak at conferences and it's harder for me. I've had so many letters from mothers, really kind words. They have said, 'Kate, we've done this a hundred times over ourselves'. I wanted to say thank you for that support and reassurance."
Kate tells how she and Gerry had the agony of celebrating Madeleine's fourth birthday without her, eight days after she went missing.
She says: "She was due to have a party in the nursery, including her best friend. That went ahead and quite rightly. But it was hard to ignore the reason why they were there, because Madeleine wasn't. Not having her there was such a huge void."
Kate now wears a silver locket round her neck with a picture of Madeleine inside and the words "Tower of Strength" engraved on it.
She says a friend gave it to her because "that's what Madeleine was to us, a tower of strength".
The McCanns have moved from the apartment two doors from where Madeleine disappeared to a villa just outside the resort as they continue their campaign to find her.
And Kate says they are still clinging to the hope she will join them there. "We unpacked some of Madeleine's things. I've kept her clothes together. She has lots of presents to open that people have sent - mostly people who don't know her."
Kate also speaks for the first time of her first visit back to the UK for a family baptism two weeks ago.
She says: "The hardest thing wasn't being in the UK, it was to be with such close family and for Madeleine not to be there. She's such a big part of our lives."
Conscious to speak of her in the present tense, she adds: "Despite her small size she just has this huge presence. She brings a lot of joy."
She says the twins often ask about their older sister. "They know she's not there and they do miss her," Kate explains. "But on a day-to-day basis they are happy. They're lovely, like a little double act, they're so funny."
Smiling, she adds: "They talk about Madeleine's things and if they get a biscuit they say, 'One for Sean, one for Amelie, one for Madeleine'.
"There was an empty seat on the plane on our trip to the UK and Sean said, 'That's Madeleine's seat'. Amelie asked me afterwards, 'Where's Madeleine? I miss my big sister'.
"Amelie will point at the Cuddle Cat and say, 'Madeleine. Her Cuddle Cat. Looking after it'. She's probably heard me saying that. It catches me."
Kate reveals she still battles with nightmarish thoughts that Madeleine might be dead. "I still have moments of panic and fear. It's not as intense and unrelenting as the first five days. We have hope now and it's important to hold on to that."
And she says she is still not considering returning home to the UK. "It's a gut feeling. I'm aware there are probably things that would be easier at home, but at the moment this is the right thing for us."
With next Saturday marking 100 days since Madeleine was snatched, Kate reveals her heartache at each passing day without news of her.
She says: "I'm still hoping we're not going to get there. Every day I'm hoping we won't get to the next day without her. It's a long time. But we have to keep going for Madeleine."
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Re：Ross Hall / Lori Campbell : Articles regarding the McCann case
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At night we sleep with our twins to be sure they're safe
Sara Nuwar & Ross Hall in Praia da Luz, Portugal
27 May 2007
The News of the World
Maddie's mum can't be apart
Missing Madeleine McCann's parents last night told how they now have their twins sleeping in their bed- so they can keep a constant eye on them.
Mum Kate revealed she is so haunted by the disappearance of four-year-old Maddie, snatched from her bed while the couple ate, that she hates to be parted from two-year-olds Sean and Amelie.
In the couple's first newspaper interview, Kate spoke about keeping their other children safe and admitted: "The twins sleep in the bed with us now. They help us to get through this."
But she and husband Gerry, both 38, are trying not to be too over-protective towards them in the aftermath of Maddie's abduction.
Gerry said: "We really have to make sure it doesn't affect the twins growing up and their normal childhood."
The couple, both doctors, from Rothley, Leics, revealed Sean and Amelie will see a child psychologist next week.
Heartbreak
Kate said: "They are so young they just get on with things but obviously we don't want them to forget about Madeleine. We are hoping to see a psychologist to explain what has happened to Madeleine to the twins."
Yesterday the family looked like any other as they played in a park close to the apartment in Praia da Luz, where Madeleine went missing on May 3.
Sean played on a slide while his sister went on the swings.
Kate, wearing the now-familiar yellow and green ribbons in her hair, pushed as Amelie shouted, "Higher, Mummy, higher. Good fun".
But behind the smiles lurks the continuing heartbreak of Madeleine's disappearance.
Gerry said: "My waking thought is that the phone by the bedside has not rung. That means Madeleine has not been found."
Kate said: "Madeleine is such a huge personality it's obvious when she's not here.
I'm better in the morning. It seems like a fresh start. Evenings are harder."
The couple confessed they still cannot think about returning home without Maddie.
On a flying visit to Rothley this week, Gerry was unable to go into the house, let alone Maddie's room.
He confessed: "As I drove into the village I was thinking, 'There should be five of us coming home'. But this is not a time for grieving. We believe she is still alive so grief is not the appropriate emotion.
"We are absolutely determined to get her back. But it could have been worse-we could have lost the twins too. There were three children in the room. That's the worst nightmare."
Tears welled in Gerry's eyes as he thought about the first thing he will do when Madeleine returns home. He said: "We will be having a very big hug."
The couple will make trips around Europe to keep the hunt for Maddie in the headlines and then return to Portugal.
Gerry explained: "It's important to make sure Madeleine's profile and image is as well-known as possible.
"We have to cover Spain because we are so close to the borders. But I hope she is still in Portugal because if that's the case it should just be a matter of time before they find her."
Late yesterday Gerry welcomed the decision to release details of a man seen by a witness with what appeared to be a child in his arms in Praia da Luz on the night Maddie disappeared.
The McCanns had threatened legal action if the man's description was not released.
He is described as 35 to 40, 5ft 10ins, medium build, wearing a dark jacket, beige trousers and dark shoes.
Meanwhile, the only officially named suspect surfaced for the first time since being quizzed over her disappearance. Robert Murat, left, 33, drove off yesterday morning from his mother's villa 150 yards from where Maddie was snatched.
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Maddie's mum can't bear to leave them
Sara Nuwar & Ross Hall in Praia Da Luz, Portugal
27 May 2007
The News of the World
At night we sleep with our twins to be sure they're safe
MISSING Madeleine McCann's parents last night told how they now have their twins sleeping in their bed-so they can keep a constant eye on them.
Mum Kate revealed she is so haunted by the disappearance of four-year-old Maddie, snatched from her bed while the couple ate, that she hates to be parted from two-year-olds Sean and Amelie.
In the couple's first newspaper interview, Kate spoke about keeping their other children safe, admitting: "The twins sleep in the bed with us now. They help us to get through this."
She was speaking as it emerged PM-to-be Gordon Brown has had a series of phone conversations with her husband Gerry. A spokesman for the family said: "Mr Brown offered Gerry and Kate his full support in their efforts to find Madeleine."
Kate and Gerry, both 38, revealed they are trying not to be too over protective towards the twins in the aftermath of Maddie's abduction.
Hoping
Gerry said: "We really have to make sure it doesn't affect the twins growing up and their normal childhood."
The couple, both doctors, from Rothley, Leics, revealed Sean and Amelie will see a child psychologist next week. Kate said: "They are so young they just get on with things but obviously we don't want them to forget about Madeleine. We are hoping to see a psychologist to explain what has happened to Madeleine to the twins."
Yesterday the family looked like any other as they played in a park close to the apartment in Praia da Luz, where Madeleine went missing on May 3.
Sean played on a slide and his sister on the swings. Kate, with the now familiar yellow and green ribbons in her hair, pushed as Amelie shouted, "Higher, Mummy, higher. Good fun".
But behind the smiles lurks the continuing heartbreak of Madeleine's disappearance. Gerry said: "My waking thought is that the phone by the bedside has not rung. That means Madeleine has not been found." Kate said: "Madeleine is such a huge personality it's obvious when she's not here. I'm better in the morning. It seems like a fresh start. Evenings are harder.
"The only thing that will make us feel good is having Madeleine back. We will do anything. It's what Madeleine deserves."
The couple confessed they still cannot think about returning home without her. On a flying visit to Rothley this week, Gerry was unable to go into the house, let alone Maddie's room.
He confessed: "I was thinking, 'There should be five of us coming home'. But this is not a time for grieving. We believe she is still alive so grief is not the appropriate emotion.
"We are absolutely determined to get her back. But it could have been worse-we could have lost the twins too. There were three children in the room. That's the worst nightmare."
Tears welled in Gerry's eyes as he thought about the first thing he will do when Madeleine returns home. He said: "We will be having a very big hug."
The couple will make trips around Europe to keep the hunt for Maddie in the headlines and then return to Portugal.
Gerry explained: "It's important to make sure Madeleine's profile and image is as well-known as possible.
"We have to cover Spain because we are so close to the borders. But I hope she is still in Portugal because if that's the case it should just be a matter of time before they find her."
Late yesterday Gerry welcomed the decision to release details of a man seen by a witness with what appeared to be a child in his arms in Praia da Luz on the night Maddie disappeared.
The McCanns had threatened legal action if the man's description was not released.
He is 35 to 40, 5ft 10ins, medium build, wearing a dark jacket, beige trousers and dark shoes.
Meanwhile, the only officially named suspect surfaced for the first time since being quizzed over her disappearance. Robert Murat, left, 33, drove off yesterday morning from his mother's villa 150 yards from where Maddie was snatched.
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We HAVE feared Maddie may be dead
Ross Hall in Praia da Luz, Portugal
3 June 2007
The News of the World
Parents admit they've faced worst terror of all
MAddie McCann's anguished parents today open their hearts in an emotional interview-and reveal the agony over their missing daughter is "like a cancer" eating away at them.
And for the the first time they speak of their worst fear of all...that their little girl may be dead.
Sitting side by side on a beach not far from the Portugal apartment complex where Maddie was kidnapped 31 days ago, Gerry and Kate McCann still cling desperately to the word that pervades almost ever sentence they speak-hope.
But Gerry, 38, confesses: "There are a number of scenarios and it's safe to say we've thought about all of them.
"Of course we have considered Maddie is dead. But there is still hope. You might argue that the hope is diminishing as time goes on but there is still an investigation and that is still active.
"We will not give up until there is absolutely no hope left. We have got to believe she's alive and out there somewhere. If you give up hope you're basically saying she's dead.
"But everything is pure speculation and that leads us into negative thoughts and one thing that we don't think about for any length of time is who might have her, and why they have her.
"The feeling is like having a bereavement or being diagnosed with cancer."
Kate, still clutching tightly onto Madeleine's favourite toy Cuddle Cat just as she has done every day since her disappearance, adds: "We still have hope because we don't have any news to suggest otherwise.
Coping
"It's really important that we have that hope and remain positive, because that's the way we're going to get her back."
"In the first three days it was virtually impossible to shut out the negative thoughts. But you soon realise that as a coping strategy you have to do that. It is important for us and for her that we don't become negative-and we're not."
Gerry nods knowingly: "I think you would be inhumane if you were able to block these things out completely. But I know that it doesn't help me, and it doesn't help us influence the search for Madeleine.
"We have our low moments but generally what you see with us is what you get. We have been very positive, we know it helps us, we know it helps other people looking for Madeleine."
They have given themselves little time to be negative amid the whirlwind of the international campaign they have launched to find their beloved four-year old.
In the past few days the couple have been to Rome to meet the Pope and made a TV appeal in Spain.
But despite a huge poster campaign, a well-visited website findmadeleine.co.uk, personal appeals from dozens of celebrities and a Pounds 1.5million reward offer from the News of the World, there has been no concrete evidence to lead to Maddie's whereabouts-or any clues to who may have her.
"You can imagine different people wanting children for different reasons," says Gerry. "Some of those reasons are muchmore sinister than others, but we really don't try to think about that. We pray constantly that Madeleine is well and being looked after."
Fighting back tears Kate adds: "We have anger but it's anger at the situation, "We know there are bad people out there but there are also a lot of sad people. We just hope it's the latter."
Meanwhile Gerry admits he gets the strength to go on by holding onto his memories of Maddie-her big bright smile and long blonde hair etched in his mind.
"When I think about her now it's thinking about the little happy three, nearly four-year-old, doing things. It's playing with her and all the things which are so special to us. It's not about where she is now," he says.
"Night time is always the hardest. When you are going to bed you tend to be more contemplative. But we're usually so tired we do actually fall asleep quite quickly."
Their greatest solace, apart from the overwhelming public support they have had, has been their faith. Both Catholics, their meeting with the Pope gave them a huge lift.
Kate says: "We think our faith has been very important. We've had a lot of support from the local community and the local church. And meeting the Pope was a great comfort."
The worst thing about going to Rome was having to leave their two-year-old twins Sean and Amelie behind. Although they were being looked after by close family, it was the first time they had left them overnight.
"It was very difficult. You know you want them with you," says Kate. "Leaving them is not ideal, but then none of this is. But we're doing it for Madeleine."
Since she was snatched from their apartment in Praia da Luz, while Gerry and Kate ate dinner with friends in a nearby restaurant, there have been harsh accusations aimed at them.
But the couple are unwavering in their support for each other. With his arm around Kate, Gerry says: "We are in this together. Of course we feel guilty. We feel we have let her down. We were not there at that moment that she was abducted.
Fault
"We love her absolutely desperately, but what we're focusing on is what we can do to influence things. We have never subconsciously or consciously thought 'It was Kate's fault' or 'It was my fault'.
"We're a couple in this. We are responsible parents. When something terrible happens in any walk of life people look to blame people.
"What we need to look at is the person who took her. It's not our fault. "
The McCanns-who are expected to fly to Berlin, Amsterdam and Morocco next in their bid to raise the profile of Madeleine's case-have no intention of heading back to their home in Rothley, Leics.
"To go home I would have to feel that the investigation in Portugal had been exhausted," says Gerry. "I think we are a long way from that.
"We are frustrated and desperate that we don't have Madeleine, but the Portuguese police are making progress.
"We want to be here. This is where she was abducted from. And while there is hope we will not give up."
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We hope whoever took her is sad & not bad
The search for Madeleine Day 31
The Sunday Mirror
3 June 2007
Lori Campbell in Praia da Luz, Portugal
THE parents of Madeleine McCann told last night how they are clinging to the hope that the person who snatched her is sad, not bad. Mum Kate says: "We know there are bad people out there, but we know there are also a lot of sad people. We hope it's the latter." At the couple's apartment in Praia da Luz, Portugal, dad Gerry adds: "You can imagine different people wanting children for different reasons. Some of those reasons are much more sinister than others. We try not to think about that. There are a number of scenarios and it is safe to say we have thought about all of the possibilities. Until we actually know who has taken her and what's happened to her, it's hard to think it through."
Exactly a month after Madeleine was snatched on Thursday, May 3, Gerry and Kate have opened their hearts for the first time about their darkest fear... that their precious daughter may no longer be alive. But they are bravely determined not to be dragged into what they call a "spiral of despair" by dwelling on such a negative possibility - or to even think about pointing the finger of blame at each other.
Gerry says: "We are in this together. Of course we feel guilty. We feel that we have let her down. We were not there at that moment she was abducted. But we have never subconsciously or consciously thought, 'It's Kate's fault, it's my fault'. "We are responsible parents. When something terrible happens, in any walk of life, people look to blame people. We are a couple. We are her parents, we love her absolutely desperately. We certainly don't go along with blame and divisiveness."
Gerry and Kate, both 38, have impressed the world with their show of courage, determination and dignity during the hunt to find their daughter. But yesterday they revealed the inner torture they are enduring as they battle against thoughts of what may have happened to her. Gerry says: "Of course we believe Madeleine is still alive, but you would be incredible if you hadn't considered the worst scenario that she's dead."
Looking down at her lap and holding Gerry's hand tightly, Kate says: "Everybody has considered that." Gerry says they have allowed themselves to think about the person who snatched Madeleine from her bed. They just pray that she is being cared for. "Madeleine did not deserve this," he says. "She did not deserve to be abducted. "It is heart-wrenching for everyone involved and we pray constantly that she is well and being looked after."
In their fight to remain positive, Gerry says they try to block out their thoughts of Madeleine's kidnapper. "It is pure speculation that leads us into negative thoughts," he says. "We don't think for any length of time about who might have her or why they have her. Therefore it is hard to generate our anger."
Kate, still clutching the Cuddle Cat toy that has not left her side since four-year-old Madeleine disappeared, adds: "We have anger. But it is anger at the situation. I think that is part of the normal grieving process."
Gerry says: "It's like the same as having a bereavement, being diagnosed with cancer. There's a lot of mixed emotions, and anger is one of them."
Giving a rare glimpse of the anger he feels towards Madeleine's kidnapper, Gerry says: "There is no doubt that it is an evil act. That is the simplest way to say it without getting into very strong words." But he says they refuse to think for long about their worst fears and cling to the hope that Madeleine is alive. "Until we are sure what has happened, it is hard to sort any of these thoughts," he says.
Kate, wearing green and yellow ribbons on her belt for hope and remembrance, spoke of the terrible guilt they feel for having left Madeleine on the night she was taken.
The couple, from Rothely, Leicestershire, took turns to check on their three children every half hour as they ate at a Tapas restaurant 50 yards from their holiday apartment. But when Kate returned at 10pm, Madeleine was gone.
Kate also reveals that they find thinking about Madeleine too painful, but that too has left them plagued with guilt. "In the first three days it was virtually impossible to shut the negative thoughts out, but you realise that as a coping strategy you have to do that," she says. "We both said you feel guilty for not thinking about her. "Normally we'd be thinking about her all the time. It's important for us and for her that we don't become negative, and we're not."
Gerry says: "You'd be inhuman if you were able to block this out completely. But I have become good at blocking it out because when I get into the negatives it takes me back, it sort of spirals downwards into despair. We have our low moments, but we have been very positive. We will not give up until there is absolutely no hope."
Kate says: "We don't know where she is - that is the bottom line. We'd like to think she's still in Portugal. But we know there's a possibility she's gone over the border or several borders."
Asked how he imagines Madeleine, Gerry says he cannot bear to think about where she is now. His image of her is stuck in time. He remembers her as the happy, giggling little girl she was when he last saw her.
He says: "When I think about her now, it's thinking about the little happy three, nearly four-year-old running around doing things, and us playing with her. It is all the things which were so special to us, and not where she is now."
The couple, who are devoting nearly all of their time to the international campaign to find Madeleine, say they remain buoyed by hope that they will be reunited with her.
Kate says: "We still have hope because we don't have any news to suggest otherwise. It's really important that we do have that hope, that we remain positive, because that is the way we are going to get her back. "As time goes on, everyone gets quite negative. Every day is one too many."
Gerry adds: "If we knew who had her, and they had a track record, we'd say the chances of her being alive are diminishing. But even then, there are cases where someone comes out well at the end of it."
The couple, who have found great comfort in their Catholic faith and met the Pope in a special Vatican audience last week, say they cannot consider forgiving Madeleine's abductor until they know what happened to her. Gerry says: "Forgiveness is something we will address when we've found her and we know what's happened and who's taken her."
Portuguese detectives have faced growing criticism over the way the investigation has been handled. Despite the hunt for Madeleine being publicised worldwide, they have uncovered few clues and appear to be no closer to finding her.
But, determined to remain positive, Gerry says: "Of course we are frustrated and desperate that we don't have her. I can understand why some would say that there has been a lack of progress, but the police are working through things systematically.
"The investigation now is as good or almost as good as it ever can be. Expert help from the UK has added to the strong desire and hard work of the Portugese detectives. This is possibly one of the biggest investigations ever in Portugal. There is a huge amount of information being processed by the Portugese and British police."
However, it took police three weeks to release a description of a man seen carrying a child away from the McCann's apartment on the night, even though it was a family friend of the McCanns who reported the sighting.
Gerry says: "We all supported each other during the traumatic period. We are very good friends and continue to support each other."
Kate, who has visibly lost weight since Madeleine's disappearance, said they have tried to look after their health for the sake of their two-year-old twins, Sean and Amelie. She says: "In the first few days your appetite just goes and you can't sleep. I think that's a normal reaction. Then something kicks in and things return."
Gerry says: "For the first three days I was forcing myself to eat and drink. But now, apart from when I have blips or the dark, negative thoughts kick in, I feel pretty normal physically. Night times are always the hardest. When you go to bed you tend to be more contemplative. But we are usually so tired by then we fall asleep quite quickly."
Kate says looking after the twins has given them some small relief from their constant nightmare. "They are young enough to not have a great concept of what's going on, or of time. They are a lot of fun and keep us going."
Gerry says: "The fact that Sean and Amelie are twins helps. They are too young to know Madeleine has been missing for a long time. We have to make sure we give them the love and attention they need."
The couple now plan to visit European cities to publicise the hunt for their daughter. They are also planning a global Madeleine Day to raise awareness that she is still missing. Gerry says they hope to hold a massive concert or sports event to mark the day later this year.
Meanwhile, he says they still can't bear to think about returning home to the UK without Madeleine. "I would have to feel that the investigation in Portugal was exhausted," he says. "This is where she was abducted from - the investigation is centred around here. We want to be close to that."
We have never once thought of blaming each other
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We want to grieve in peace
Ross Hall in Praia da Luz, Portugal
10 June 2007
The News of the World
Maddie's tired parents put campaign on hold
The exhausted parents of Madeleine McCann last night revealed they are putting their campaign to find her on hold so they can finally grieve for their missing daughter.
Kate and Gerry McCann have worked ceaselessly to keep their four-year-old's plight in the public eye since she was snatched from their holiday flat in Portugal 37 days ago.
But last night Gerry, 39, revealed: "In the first few weeks when I slipped into dark moments of despair I was finding it quite easy to emotionally switch a light back on, but I've been finding it increasingly difficult to do that.
Emotions
"More importantly I don't want to do that any more. I want to be able to grieve and let those emotions out."
Kate, 38, still clutching Maddie's favourite Cuddle Cat toy, said: "I find when I am alone I feel a lot of anxiety.
"When I'm speaking to people it takes my mind off things. I'm not thinking, 'Where is Madeleine, how is she feeling?' It's a distraction and it helps, but it's time to step back from that."
Today the couple will travel to Morocco in the last phase of their campaign before considering what to do next.
Gerry said: "After this we've not got any other visits planned because we think we've covered all the main areas. Kate and I and also family and friends who have been campaigning will need a break. We need to take a step back and work out how we can help in the search for Madeleine.
"We have to ask ourselves whether this is a long-term campaign. We never wanted it to be one, we want her back as soon as possible.
"But we are thinking of the wider issues now, that Madeleine's disappearance might be linked to organised abuse of children."
The McCanns are expected to return to Praia da Luz from Morocco on Tuesday.
Then Gerry will go home to Leicestershire for a short time while Kate stays in Portugal.
She said: "I feel close to Madeleine here. She could be further away from here than she is from the UK but I feel emotionally close to her here. I can't face leaving here."
West Ham soccer star Carlos Tevez made an appeal last night to a mystery caller who rang police with what they thought was "credible" information about Madeleine which may link her to a kidnap ring.
The caller, using a mobile phone registered in Argentina, promised to ring back to talk to the McCanns but did not.
Last night there were claims the call had been made by a known criminal in Cordoba. Police sources claimed the alleged informant has been involved in kidnappings by gangs operating between Spain and Argentina.
Crime
Argentinian Tevez, 23, said: "I have a two-year-old daughter of my own and my prayers go out to the McCann family. I would urge the person who called the Spanish police with information about the kidnap to ring again."
Meanwhile, the owners of the flat Maddie was snatched from on the Mark Warner complex are returning to Portugal next week for the first time since her abduction.
The couple, believed to be English, have been told their ground floor apartment is no longer a crime scene.
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It will be so hard to go home.. but it is time to grieve
Dad Gerry I feel close to her here. I can't bear to think of going back - Mum Kate
The Sunday Mirror
10 June 2007
Lori Campbell in Praia da Luz
THE SEARCH FOR MADELEINE DAY 38
MADELEINE McCann's shattered parents Gerry and Kate told yesterday how they needed to put the campaign to find her on hold to take time to grieve. In an emotional interview heartbroken Gerry said:
"Kate and I need to grieve. Not because we fear the worst, but to grieve her not being with us. We just need to take stock and decide what is best to do from now."
The couple - who have worked tirelessly since their daughter went missing 38 days ago - know they have done everything they possibly can in Portugal. And after one last trip, this time to Morocco where a tourist is convinced she spotted Madeleine, they both desperately need a break. In Morocco, they will meet with politicians and child welfare charities before returning to Portugal on Tuesday.
Gerry is also preparing to return to England for a few days at a time. But if the decision to leave Portugal - albeit occasionally - is difficult for Madeleine's father, it is proving virtually impossible for her mother.
"Although we're talking about what we will do next week, we still hope every morning that this will be the day we get her back," said Kate.
"I do actually feel close to Madeleine here. Of course, she could be even further from here than she is from the UK, but I feel emotionally close to her here. People have told me that I could do the same if not more back in the UK, but I can't face leaving here yet."
However Gerry, 39, knows that the heartbreaking decision must present itself sooner or later.
"The time has come to have a contingency plan," he said. "We'll have to start working on that. We will not give up, but there will be a different way of doing it.
"I can see myself having to go back to the UK to meet with people. It is just more efficient to do things over there. But it will be very, very hard going home. "The last time I was back I couldn't even go into the house. I found it hard enough going back to Rothely. It was very emotional."
Speaking from their apartment in Praia da Luz, he said they are now ready to face up to the darker emotions they have so far been able to shut out. He said:
"Early on, I was absolutely driven by a focus I've never had before in my life. "All my energies have been channelled into anything I can do. I was concentrating on organising the main visits. "When we're making appeals, we don't want anything to cloud that. It's given us focus and helped us keep our emotions in check. The overriding desire is to get the message out for people to come forward and that suppresses other stuff."
He added:
"We have been seeing a psychologist who has helped us. We are still in regular contact with him. "In the first few weeks, when I slipped into dark moments of despair, I was finding it quite easy to emotionally switch a light back on. "But I've been finding that increasingly difficult to do. More importantly, I don't want to do that anymore, I want to be able to grieve and let those emotions out.
"There have been a lot of tears in private but we keep our emotions in check in public."
Kate, 38, added:
"Certainly I find when I'm alone I feel a lot of anxiety. When I'm speaking in public it helps take my mind off things.
"For that moment I'm not thinking, 'Where is Madeleine, how is she feeling?' It's a distraction because you know that might help. But it's time to step to back from that."
Squeezing her hand tightly, Gerry added:
"We've made a vow to each other that we would take time for ourselves."
The couple, both doctors, will then take a break as they feel they will have done everything in their powers to publicise the hunt for Madeleine. And Gerry said it is likely he will return to the UK at least for a short time. He said:
"When we get back from Morocco we want to sit back and take stock of what we're doing. We have not got any other visits planned because we think we've covered all the main areas.
"In terms of the investigation, all the specific appeals have been done. We would have covered the two countries in close proximity with Portugal which are Spain and Morocco.
"Then I think that Kate and I personally and also family and friends who have been campaigning will need a break. We just need to take stock and decide what is best after that."
Gerry said they will remain in constant contact with police, but need to take time to reflect on what to do next, and to spend time with their two-year-old twins Sean and Amelie.
He said:
"We'll still meet with the Portuguese police as we have done fairly regularly, and with the British police.
"But it is definitely going to be a period of reflection. We can't keep doing the same thing week after week. The coverage will dwindle away. What we want to be sure of is that what we put our energy into is effective.
"We need to know that our objectives are going to help in the search for Madeleine. "We don't like the limelight and would never have chosen to do all this, but we're driven by the fact we think it's helping Madeleine."
Kate has found it particularly difficult facing the cameras. Still wearing her trademark green and yellow ribbons for hope in her hair, she said:
"At work, I could never stand up and say something in front of people, I never volunteer for that kind of thing.
"But here I have to get over that because this situation is bigger than we are. "I feel a great deal of anxiety speaking in public, but it pales into insignificance here because nothing can compare to the trauma of losing your child."
Kate, still clutching the Cuddle Cat which has not left her side since Madeleine went missing, said it has been agonising not knowing what happened to their daughter. She said:
"We don't know who has taken Madeleine or why they've taken her or where she is now. That is the hardest part."
Gerry added:
"That is the hardest thing to deal with, the not knowing."
Kate said she wanted to visit Morocco because her instinct told her it could be important.
She said:
"It's mostly the ease of access. We know we can get there in a couple of hours."
Gerry added:
"For us, and Kate in particular, Morocco is important.
There are a lot of things that I drive forward, but in this case it's Kate who has felt very strongly about it."
Kate added:
"We don't want to look back and think maybe we should have gone there or maybe we should have done that.
"We don't know whether any of what we're doing is helping or making a difference, we're just doing everything we can."
Kate said they have been comforted by the gestures of support from holidaymakers in Praia da Luz. She said:
"It's good that people have come up to us.
"They are enjoying their holiday and we don't want to ruin that. But the support they have shown us has been great."
Gerry added:
"People on holiday can't forget that Madeleine went missing from here, but they still want to stay here.
"At half term it was really busy, there was lots of noise with kids enjoying themselves and that made us feel better."
Kate said:
"People aren't sure whether to come up to us, but many have and we take great strength in that. "We've had thousands of emails and letters, but it's nice to meet real people who express their support for us."
POLICE believe a mystery caller claiming to know Madeleine's whereabouts is a conman.
The man, a known criminal in Argentina, had hoped to extort a million dollars from Madeleine's parents - despite having no knowledge of where the little girl is.
A police spokesman in Cordoba, Argentina said: "Although he is a professional thief, neither he nor his accomplices would have been able to commit an abduction like this and to hold a little girl being searched for in Portugal, Spain and Great Britain."
*****************************************************************
The search for Madeleine Day 38
The Sunday Mirror
10 June 2007
Lori Campbell in Praia da Luz
It will be so hard to go home.. but it is time to grieve - DAD GERRY
I feel close to her here. I can't bear to think of going back - MUM KATE
MADELEINE McCann's shattered father Gerry told yesterday how he needed
to put the campaign to find her on hold to take time to grieve.
In an emotional interview the heartbroken dad - from Glasgow - said:
"Kate and I need to grieve.
"Not because we fear the worst but to grieve her not being with us. We
just need to take stock and decide what is best to do from now."
The couple - who have worked tirelessly since their daughter went
missing 38 days ago - know they have done everything they possibly can
in Portugal.
And after one last trip, this time to Morocco where a tourist is
convinced she spotted Madeleine, they both desperately need a break.
In Morocco, they will meet with politicians and child welfare charities
before returning to Portugal on Tuesday.
But if the decision to come home is difficult for Gerry, it is proving
virtually impossible for his wife.
"Although we're talking about what we will do next week, we still hope
every morning that this will be the day we get her back," said Kate.
"I do actually feel close to Madeleine here. Of course, she could be
even further from here than she is from the UK, but I feel emotionally
close to her here.
"People have told me that I could do the same if not more back in the
UK, but I can't face leaving here yet."
However Gerry, 39, knows that the heartbreaking decisions must present
itself sooner or later. "The time has come to have a contingency plan,"
he said. "We'll have to start working on that. We will not give up, but
there will be a different way of doing it.
"I can see myself having to go back to the UK to meet with people. It is
just more efficient to do things over there. But it will be very, very
hard going home.
"The last time I was back I couldn't even go into the house. I found it
hard enough going back to Rothely. It was very emotional."
Speaking from their apartment in Praia da Luz, he said they are now
ready to face up to the darker emotions they have so far been able to
shut out.
He said: "Early on, I was absolutely driven by a focus I've never had
before in my life.
"All my energies have been channelled into anything I can do. I was
concentrating on organising the main visits.
"When we're making appeals, we don't want anything to cloud that. It's
given us focus and helped us keep our emotions in check. The overriding
desire is to get the message out for people to come forward and that
suppresses other stuff."
He added: "We have been seeing a psychologist who has helped us. We are
still in regular contact with him.
"In the first few weeks, when I slipped into dark moments of despair, I
was finding it quite easy to emotionally switch a light back on.
"But I've been finding that increasingly difficult to do. More
importantly, I don't want to do that anymore, I want to be able to
grieve and let those emotions out. There have been a lot of tears in
private but we keeep our emotions in check in private."
Kate, 38, added: "Certainly I find when I'm alone I feel a lot of
anxiety. When I'm speaking in public it helps take my mind of things.
"For that moment I'm not thinking, 'Where is Madeleine, how is she
feeling?'
"It's a distraction because you know that might help. But it's time to
step to back from that."
Squeezing her hand tightly, Gerry added: "We've made a vow to each other
that we would take time for ourselves."
The couple, both doctors, will then take a break as they feel they will
have done everything in their powers to publicise the hunt for
Madeleine. And Gerry said it is likely he will return to the UK at
least for a short time. He said: "When we get back from Morocco we want
to sit back and take stock of what we're doing. We have not got any
other visits planned because we think we've covered all the main areas.
"In terms of the investigation, all the specific appeals have been done.
We would have covered the two countries in close proximity with Portugal
which are Spain and Morocco.
"Then I think that Kate and I personally and also family and friends who
have been campaigning will need a break.
We just need to take stock and decide what is best after that."
Gerry said they will remain in constant contact with police, but need to
take time to reflect on what to do next, and to spend time with their
two-year-old twins Sean and Amelie.
He said: "We'll still meet with the Portuguese police as we have done
fairly regularly, and with the British police.
"But it is definitely going to be a period of reflection. We can't keep
doing the same thing week after week. The coverage will dwindle away.
What we want to be sure of is that what we put our energy into is
effective.
"We need to know that our objectives are going to help in the search for
Madeleine.
"We don't like the limelight and would never have chosen to do all this,
but we're driven by the fact we think it's helping Madeleine."
Kate has found it particularly difficult facing the cameras.
Still wearing her trademark green and yellow ribbons for hope in her
hair, she said: "At work, I could never stand up and say something in
front of people, I never volunteer for that kind of thing.
"But here I have to get over that because this situation is bigger than
we are.
"I feel a great deal of anxiety speaking in public, but it pales into
insignificance here because nothing can compare to the trauma of losing
your child."
Kate, still clutching the Cuddle Cat which has not left her side since
Madeleine went missing, said it has been agonising not knowing what
happened to their daughter. She said: "We don't know who has taken
Madeleine or why they've taken her or where she is now. That is the
hardest part." Gerry added: "That is the hardest thing to deal with, the
not knowing."
Kate said she wanted to visit Morocco because her instinct told her it
could be important.
She said: "It's mostly the ease of access. We know we can get there in a
couple of hours."
Gerry added: "For us, and Kate in particular, Morocco is important.
There are a lot of things that I drive forward, but in this case it's
Kate who has felt very strongly about it."
Kate added: "We don't want to look back and think maybe we should have
gone there or maybe we should have done that.
"We don't know whether any of what we're doing is helping or making a
difference, we're just doing everything we can."
Kate said they have been comforted by the gestures of support from
holidaymakers in Praia da Luz.
She said: "It's good that people have come up to us.
"They are enjoying their holiday and we don't want to ruin that. But the
support they have shown us has been great." Gerry added: "People on
holiday can't forget that Madeleine went missing from here, but they
still want to stay here.
"At half term it was really busy, there was lots of noise with kids
enjoying themselves and that made us feel better."
Kate said: "People aren't sure whether to come up to us, but many have
and we take great strength in that.
"We've had thousands of emails and letters, but it's nice to meet real
people who express their support for us."
POLICE believe a mystery caller claiming to know Madeleine's
where-abouts is a conman.
The man, a known criminal in Argentina, had hoped to extort a million
dollars from Madeleine's parents - despite having no knowledge of
where the little girl is.
A police spokesman in Cordoba, Argentina said: "Although he is a
professional thief, neither he nor his accomplices would have been able
to commit an abduction like this and to hold a little girl being
searched for in Portugal, Spain and Great Britain."
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